No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
