So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
