I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We are all done wearing pants today
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
