i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
