I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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