I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
