I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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