i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
