There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
