Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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