I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Are we still banned from the library?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
