Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
