I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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