ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
