Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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