I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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