Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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