the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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