the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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