I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
