I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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