I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize