to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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