What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
