You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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