worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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