hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just had sex bonerless
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
