he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
