i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
