I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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