I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
