If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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