I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
