so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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