whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize