no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
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