I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
