so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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