1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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