I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Randomize
