i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
