She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
