apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
