it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
