Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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