And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize