Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
