WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
