hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
