So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
