But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
