out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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