why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
