i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
