I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
its not stalking. its research.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize