yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
