it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
