shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
