it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm like, not good at living.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
