I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
