Sry I called you an 8
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
