Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
