you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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