I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
