You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Houston, we have a squirter
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
did i just pee glitter
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
