I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
