my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
