I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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