you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
